this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
