so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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