Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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