well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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