new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
