I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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