Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
