I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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