Whod you bang
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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