what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
