Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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