mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize