I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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