I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My penis needs a shock collar
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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