Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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