What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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