Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
