so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my poor anus
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
