i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
