I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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