I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
