Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
