I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
