So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
