He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
