He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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