i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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