People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize