so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
