if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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