I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
