Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize