Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
