escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
