Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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