watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
