That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
