we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
