My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
