I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
