Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
