Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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