what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
