Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
