Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
