I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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