chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize