Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
