You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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