Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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