She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
