I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
