8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
