My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
