Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
