When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
