I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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