Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize