Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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