he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
