How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
