i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
