my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
