if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
