Soap is not a condiment
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
