who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
