i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
