Cold hands, warm shart.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
