I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just found a bag of teeth...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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