Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
