so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
