Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
