Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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