I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
