I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
